Saturday, December 3, 2011

Bipolar (I start out fine then I rant!)

Heeeey! November went by just like that, and I'm both happy and sad about it. Happy because it means it's almost my favorite time of the year (I love Christmas month better than my birth month) and sad because I only had one post for the previous month. I can't have any more excuses now since the internet connection in the dorm still hasn't failed me, and since I haven't been too busy with my acads yet. (Well, I will be this weekend, especially that I got three scheduled exams next week!) It's just that I started to be active on Twitter (follow me: @rhenabundo), then there's my Tumblr (follow me still haha:, and Facebook. I am lately not into movies though I have already finished the MTV series "Awkward" which my orgmates told me about. And of course my usual dose of The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, and How I Met Your Mother. Have I told you I've been watching Downton Abbey? It's a good series, you should watch (if you love period dramas, this is made for you)! Sadly, Series 3 is to air next year. That long wait which I hate. And love, at the same time. :)) So, while trying to forget my anxiety over Downton (which I watched to amuse myself while waiting for Sherlock and Game of Thrones second seasons), I tried a British mini-series, "Any Human Heart," mainly because Matthew Macfadyen is in it. Now that I'm all finished with it, "Once Upon A Time" is next.

(How did we arrive in this topic again? Haha. I'm sorry I have this habit of blabbing and topics branching out until I lose track of what point I am really trying to make.)

Okay. So I was telling you, I am somehow disappointed of myself for not keeping the goal I have set for myself, which is to constantly post new entries. My past attempts on blogging had failed and I don't want this to end up like those. Another reason why I am writing this entry because I was inspired by the new blogs I have been reading. Oh, how I wish to be like them! Their life seems so... interesting! I just can't help but admire the scope of things they can talk about. And the time and devotion they had given to keep their blogs updated. And each one's unique way of writing!

I told you I don't have any more excuses now. But I have a few things in mind which usually prevent me from "going for it".

One. Although I think my writing style is what I can call my own, I find it boring. I can get too verbose.
Two. I overthink. I am too critical of myself. I always feel that I am never interesting enough.
Three. Maybe I don't actually write for myself. Maybe all the to-cross-one-thing-from-my-bucketlist reason is just one way to cover up my real reason for blogging. Maybe, just maybe, the real reason is about how others will start to view me. Do I have low self-esteem? Maybe.

They say a man's essential need is the recognition from others. This applies greatly to me, I think. Either that, or I am just too vain.

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